Wow, maybe I need to listen to my positive self more often! I have been beating myself up about my past, analyzing and trying to see where I went wrong. What did I do to myself by doing that? My depression got so bad that I was having scary suicidal thoughts. Not good not good! I need to stop telling myself that I failed my kids. I need to stop saying that everything was MY fault. I need to stop trying to change other people's perception of things.
I need to stop freaking myself out by creating scenarios in my head about not being a part of my kids life and that they don't want me anymore. Telling myself that I won't get to know my grandkids, that my ex is now their parent and I am no longer needed or even wanted. What I really need to do for me is be nice! Take that big stick, mulch the dang thing and use it for kindling! I don't have to put up with stuff that I don't agree with. I don't have to allow people, ANY person including me hurt me like I do. I am a good little me! I always have had the best in mind when I say or do things. I no more have to belittle myself in order for people to like me. Like really, if I need to do that...then I need to move on because that person just isn't good for me. I have had so many friends, co-workers in my life that have been not good for me and what have I done? Allowed it. I taught them that it was ok to do that to me.
I just finished reading my last blog post and boy oh boy have I ever falling down.
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