So here I am asking questions, trying to sort through every part of myself so I can be the "perfect" me. Happy, peaceful, good to others, someone that people want to be friends with. Afraid to make the same mistakes I made in my past.
Yes it's important to take a look at our past, open up old wounds for a bit to allow them to heal properly. But when is it enough? When do I stop? Or do I need to stop?
I was talking with my mom on the phone and she told me that I need to stop anaylzing myself and that I am a good person, a wonderful daughter and just right the way I am. She told me to just let myself be. My partner has said the same to me and so has my loving friends. I already am all the things I want to be. They are correct, I have clean up, analyzed, asked questions, tried new things and turned my life around. I'm more at peace with myself today and love myself more than I ever have in my whole life. Why do I keep going as if I have more to "change" or "fix" about myself? Why do I keep analyzing myself? I don't even realize when I'm doing it. I just do it!! Maybe my question is how do I stop analyzing myself?
I think we all need to look at ourselves and keep ourselves in check, but not to a point where that is all you do. That's what I do. I think about how much I think think think about my behaviour, why do I behave a certain way, blah blah blah. Would be nice to just stop doing that so I can just be. Allow my brain to just be quiet and let me do other things for my recovery such as; writing, playing a musical instrument, cooking, baking, walking, reading, just doing the things I love to do. Yet I still have trouble letting it go. Gaaaaah! I think too much!
I believe that the answer to my question is to just let myself be. Just do the things I love to do and want to do. Keeping sharing with other and working my program. Allow myself to truly trust that the people in my life such as my good friends, my partner, my mom and my family just love me. I know that I love me, yet I still hurt myself like this. When all I really need to to is just let go and see that I am already the perfect me that I can be. With all of who I am. Leaving my husband and all that stuff I went through really put me off my game. Thought I had my whole life planned. Then WHAMMO! I had to make the tough decision that I did.
I believe that my solution is to just let myself be, stop analyzing everything about me, have faith and give myself more time to heal, let my Higher Power guide me into my life. Afterall, healing over night is next too impossible. But I can live in today, appreciate and be proud of how far I have come and accept me just the way I am. I don't need to analyze everything about me and dig so deep that I confuse myself and start beating myself up. I truly am just perfectly me today! Just the way I am! And I love me!
Something to think about: Love yourself, give yourself a break and give yourself time. Don't analyze everything and pick everything you do say, etc apart. Take a look at things, open up some old unhealed wounds, then let them go. Let yourself heal. Afterall these things are in the past so there is no need to continue to hurt yourself with them. Allow yourself to be just you because you are perfectly you today just the way you are!
