Did you ever watch a movie that was so excruciating to watch that you ended up turning it off? Or you just got "into it" hoping that something exciting would eventually happen? That it was bound to get better sooner or later??? I know that I have! Question is...did you rent it again? Or watch it again hoping it would be better this time? Of course not! That's just silly!
Well...isn't it funny how we wouldn't watch a bad movie again, but we will replay old negative programming or self-defeating talk from our childhood and difficult life situations over and over and over again until we have beaten ourselves to a pulp! Why is that?
Well all I can say is for me negative messages I received as a child or even as an adult, negative "coping mechanisms" I created to protect myself are things that happened over and over and over during difficult times. So this is why I replay these "Bad Movies" over and over in my mind. When you live in a situation where you are criticized daily or often you tend to create some unhealthy "coping mechanisms" to help you through it. Usually negative messages about how unworthy or stupid or pathetic you are! Those are just some of the negative things I say to myself...there are lots more!
I've done some crazy things that were very unhealthy for me in order to "keep the peace" in unhealthy relationships (with family, friends, my kids, boyfriends, husband). I have put up a wall so noone can get in where I can't feel any feelings, I'd run and hide (even had a couple of hiding places where I could go), I drank so heavily I couldn't stand, I put myself down so that people won't think that I am conceited, I have done things people wanted me to do even though I knew it was wrong or wouldn't work...and on and on and on until I got to the point where I just wanted to die. (OH MY!!!)
One thing we need to keep in mind...changing the "Old Programming Channel" is not an easy task but can be done, but only with digilence, honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Be willing to make some changes by doing things a bit different. Even the smallest positive change like meditating every morning or instead of "going along" with someone else, say how you feel or what you think! It's scary at first, even the second and third time, but you will see that the more often you do it, the more comfortable it feels! And that's the key!!! Eventhough old programming hurts like hell, we continue to do it because that is what we are "comfortable" with because we have done it so many times!
Change is tough! But is so important and necessary in order to grow! To admit...ooops! I made a mistake, is hard. Especially when you realize that the answer you had about something is incorrect and another person was right! For me I find it so uncomfortable when I know someone else is right about something and what they suggest would actually help me. I stay stuck inside my head and instead of "hearing their message" I go on my merry way and continue to do the same old same old that ends up hurting me. What happens inside me when someone gives me advice is that I feel afraid to say...hey, you're right about that, I'm totally going off the deep end here. Sorry about that! What can I do to change that for myself! What is my fear? I am afraid to admit that I made a mistake cause I don't want the other person to think I'm stupid or arrogant or conceited. I want them to like me! Talk about insanity!!! The truth of all of that is that usually the person loves you so much and doesn't want you to hurt so they are trying to "HELP YOU!!!". Imagine that!!! People actually accept and like you more when you OPEN UP and are WILLING to be HONEST that you made a mistake!! No they aren't always right, but even at that take what works and leave the rest! Open your mind to new things to try...if it doesn't work...try something else. Just don't go on doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That's insanity!!!
All this being said, it again comes back to that "loving yourself" attitude. I am just now (AGAIN) coming out of another bout of "I'm unworthy syndrome". It's so easy to fall back into the "OLD PROGRAM" that I played in my mind during and long after the abuse I have been through. I took over abusing me and while I was even going through it...I helped them out by repeating their words to myself!!! The thing I noticed though that makes me love myself even more:
I have recognized it and I can move forward from it again. Also that it doesn't last as long as it used to. I used to "sit in it" for months and years. But not anymore because I am working on it, one little bit at a time.
So I leave you with this thought: Be patient with yourself as you slowly make changes for your life. This is for YOU and no one else for when we take care of ourselves we are able to take care of others. Love yourself enough to take a baby step towards changing the channel and watching a new program in your mind. A positive look at who you really are cause you are worthwhile, loving and a wonderful person.
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